god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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