Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
too bad you live with your parents still
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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