Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
