GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
