Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
