we have pet lesbian snakes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
