I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
