Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
