There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
