Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
