The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
