he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
