I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize