She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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