I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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