I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize