I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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