its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
