I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
