Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
