Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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