The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
