well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
