I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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