i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
