Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
