oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
