honey bunches of taint.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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