Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
