He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
