Taylor Swift is so right about you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
