Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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