quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
