Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
