She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
