I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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