and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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