We named our party play list daddy issues
our cab driver is having phone sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
