He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
