we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
