I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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