she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
