i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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