I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
