i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My dad is sitting where you rode me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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