I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i came on her dog
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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