i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
