i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
