The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
