Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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