Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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