So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
