smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
