Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
