DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
