My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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