Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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