Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I AM VODKA MAN
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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