im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
