yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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