i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
