i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
