He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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