I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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