Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
