It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why is half of my head shaved?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
