he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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