She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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