I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
