Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
