Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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