You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
