I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
