Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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